Bottom 10: Absolutely nothing beats a North Carolina fall

  • Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior Citizen WriterOct 25, 2023, 07:00 AM ET Close Senior author for ESPN The Publication and 2-time Sports Emmy winner

  • 2010, 2014 NMPA Writer of the Year

Inspirational thought of the week:

The time has come again, season of wind and rain,
I stroll along the lonely roadway near my youth abode.It’s time to state farewell, say goodbye to stories to tell.Time of season when leaves are dying, walking alone along an autumn roadway crying.The air has to alter to cold.
Nothing’s forever.–“October Rust”Tears of Magdalena Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, situated in a

mechanical room just off the factory floor where Marty Smith’s schmedium matches are made by a bunch of Virginians running their sewing devices to the beat of Eric Church tunes on a hi-fi system, we are looking into the end of October. That risky time of year when you gaze out the window, confronted with having to ask yourself two synchronised questions.Do I keep staring at these leaves so I do not miss the fall color due to the fact that the moment I turn away might

be the very minute that leaf modifications color or dries up and falls off completely?And … Do I keep looking at these leaves so I don’t miss out on the fall colors or ought to I stop consuming and leaf, er, leave, due to the fact that I have actually been sitting

here for a month and I haven’t paid my expenses or consumed or gone to the restroom considering that October started?That’s absolutely us right now. With #MACtion and the #FunBelt playing seemingly every night of the week and #Pac 12AfterDark and #MountainWildWildWestiness(I

made that last one up )extending into Sunday morning and all of those leagues playing an important function in the Bottom 10 with only a month left to play, we”Have to remember, dammit, that college football isn’t the only thing in the world, particularly bad college football!”Editor’s Picks

1 Associated Wait … where have we heard that before? And why was it in quotes? Oh yeah, it’s the last sentence our families yelled before madly repeling with all of their belongings and my wallet. A minimum of I believe that’s what they said. I wasn’t listening. It was last Wednesday night and FI(not A)U and Sam Houston had simply entered their 2nd OT.With apologies to Ryan Leaf, Arizona State DB Adama Fall, Richmond Spiders wide receivers coach Winston October and Steve Harvey, here’s the Week 9 Bottom 10.

1. Sam Houston, We Have A Problem (0-7)How kan this team klimb into this klassification in our komputations in spite of the cirkumstance of not kompeting in a Week 9 kontest? Bekause the Bearkats kan likewise now exklusively klaim the kognomen of Amerika’s unakkompanied winless kollege football klub.

2. Akronmonious( 1-7 )Nature is really remarkable, isn’t it? Especially when deep space appears to magically weave its timelines together at specifically the best time. Like complete strangers seated beside each other on an airplane who fall in love. Or researchers experiencing just the best conditions that permit them to make an important discovery. Or a bye week dropping onto the college football calendar right before the Pillow Battle of the Week. See: The Zips losing to Boiling Green 41-14 right before a weekend off to prep for a post-Halloween November 1 visit from …

3. State of Kent(1-7 )… these guys, who simply lost to the Buffalo Bulls Not Expenses 24-6 and likewise have a bye week to prepare. According to the mystically and creepily precise FPI computer systems, the Golden Flashes are the underdogs in the PFOW, with a 45.1% possibility to win. This number was produced just after kicking the side of the machine, slapping the screen and shrieking, “FPI COMPUTER, WHY WON’T YOU DO THIS?!” before realizing it had been disconnected so we could utilize that outlet to charge a Jitterbug phone and a nose hair trimmer.

4. UMess( 1-7 )And then there are off weekends like the one simply enjoyed by UMess, which required to recover from a 63-0 loss to Penn State, invested sitting on the living room flooring counting the $1.6 million it received for playing Penn State with the TV on and seeing Penn State gain 49 backyards’ rushing versus Ohio State and believing, “How did we lose to these guys 63-0?”

5. UNC Tar Holes( 6-1 )As a native North Carolinian, I have actually spent a life time delighting in the special traditions of the Old North State. Like perfectly smoked whole hog barbecue, shag dancing to Carolina beach music, historic and mystical tales of the Lost Colony and the Mecklenburg Declaration … and a talent-packed UNC football group tripping over its own cleats midseason to establish yet another conference-title-free season. That’s been the standard on Franklin Street because the Carter Administration. Jimmy, not Vince. The bright side is the Heels have a lot of Bottom 10 North Carolina in-state company …

6. EC-Yew(1-6 )The Pirates lost the Pillow Battle of Week 8 thanks largely to the truth they had only 39 backyards more rushing than I did on Saturday. It should be noted they likewise had 19 hurrying efforts to my zero.

7. Charlotte 2-and-5ers( 2-5 )The winners of that game against ECU were this group. But one does not win the Pillow Fight of the Week and then anticipate to be moved out of these rankings based on style points. They scored no design points. Hell, they only scored 10 actual points.

8. Temple of Doom (2-6)TU of the AAC lost to SMU. SMU is also of the AAC but will be in the ACC ASAP. After losing 55-0, TU is saying of SMU, OMG NVM hope U leave 4ACC PDQ.

9. Southern Missed( 1-6)The Golden Eagles lost to the South Alabama Redundancies 55-0, the worst-ever conference defeat for a Southern Miss football group. Making matters worse, Brett Favre took their daily money and utilized it to purchase himself a new truck.

10. No-vada (1-6) The formerly top/bottom-ranked Woof Pack snapped a 16-game losing streak and tape-recorded their very first nothing in more than a dozen years. However they did so by means of a 6-0 win versus a five-loss San Diego State group that has been a Bottom 10 Waiting List regular all season. To move Nevada entirely out of these rankings after that would resemble somebody celebrating that they ‘d asked out the homecoming queen and she only stated no instead of saying no while likewise pointing, laughing and doing a chocolate milk spit take in the school snack bar. Not that I know what they seems like …

Waiting list: Rod Tidwell’s University, U-Can’t, You A Bee?, the Bearcats with a “c,” all Huge Ten schools in Indiana, Michigan State Little Brothers, the bottom of both S-E-C! divisions, method overplanning your indication taking.

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