Bottom 10: A rocky performance lands Tennessee on the list
Inspirational thought of the week:
Now the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Distress’s going to the within
My tears are holding back
They’re trying not to fall
My heart’s out of the running
Real love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on, and it looks like heartaches
And the winner loses all
– “The Race is On” by George Jones
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, situated in exact same room as the computer system server that houses all the drafts of Lane Kiffin’s reserve supply of clapback tweets, we are up on the wheel with a lead foot in the throttle like Ross Chastain at Martinsville Speedway. There’s only one lap staying in the race that is the 2022 college football regular season, and the white flag is out.For those of you who do not follow NASCAR, we need to explain that the white flag does not suggest surrender, it indicates completion of the race is imminent and the next flag revealed will be the checkers. Simply put, there’s one week left before we state a champion. But this likewise isn’t the Valleydale Meats 500, is it? It’s the Bottom 10. And in this world, everything is a surrender flag, no matter how hard any man– even a 12th man– might try to disguise it as something else.WHAT IS OCCURRING AT COLLEGE STATION? pic.twitter.com/zBM5DiVEKW!.?.!— SEC Network(@SECNetwork )November 19, 2022 With apologies to Cornelius Tacitus, E. King Gill, previous Tennessee State defensive end Joe”Turkey”Jones and Steve Harvey
, here are the post-Week 12, pre-Thanksgiving Bottom 10 rankings.
1. UMess( 1-10)The Minutemen lost their second consecutive Pillow Fight of the Week, following up the heartbreak of their near win at Arkansas State with a solid proving in front of 10s of fans at Kyle Field, losing to Texas A&M 20-3 after tracking by just 10 points for the majority of the second half. This in spite of a minimum of two of their players spending the entire game not able to hear anything due to the fact that the Corps of Cadets decided to reenact the Fight of Lexington and Concord during the pregame.I’m passing away … @billyliucci @TexAgs @Jmackie00 pic.twitter.com/lRklHqcxYo!.?.!— Braxton
Sherrill(@CoachBSherrill)November 19, 2022 2. Colora-duh(1-10)Speaking of the American Revolution, Washington was victorious against the Buffaloes, a win iced by a fourth-quarter TD catch that was hauled in, naturally, by a receiver called Sam Adams II. 3. Akronmonious(1-9)Mentioning Buffaloes, Akron was expected to have played the Buffalo Bulls Not Costs, however apparently Elsa of Arendelle is either a Zips alum or has some money down on the Bottom 10 title race, because somebody disposed 77 inches of snow on the city over the weekend and postponed the game forever. 4. US(not C)F(1-10)Speaking of Bulls and harsh weather, USF lost a 48-42 track satisfy to the Tulsa Golden Hurricane. It was just a warm-up for today’s annual Thanksgiving weekend hyper competition match with UC(not S)F, aka the War on I-4. I’m not entirely sure that the Black Friday 2017 edition of this game ever in fact ended, simply as I am not totally sure that anyone ever in fact leaves I-4 once they get on it. 5. Great Ol’ Rocky Slop (Whew!
)( 9-2) After the attack on Pearl Harbor, stunt pilot-turned-Air Force general Jimmy Doolittle trained his famous Raiders for their battle attack on Tokyo just outside of Columbia, South Carolina, not far from the Williams-Brice Arena, home of the South Carolina Gamecocks. The fleet of B-25s would bomb the exact same piece of earth over and over and over and over once again, refuel, and then bomb it again and again and once again and once again, day after day after day. On Saturday night in Columbia, with USC up 63-38, the ghost of Doolittle was heard saying,”Damn, Cocks, that’s enough.”
6. North by Northworstern(1-10)2 Associated Northwestern of now feels like the Northwestern of the 1980s as it trips the country’s longest losing streak, a slump that has actually reached nine losses. According to the amazingly and creepily accurate ESPN FPI computer systems, there is an 81.7% chance that the Artists Previously Called Ill-ugh-noise will extend that streak to 10. If that happens, the Mildcats will be throwing a powerful résumé onto the table of the Bottom 10 Choice Committee next week. And viewing as how that table is in fact simply an old TV tray we discovered at a trailer park “estate auction,” there’s going to be quite the minute when it collapses and spills Natty Light all over the lap of committee chairman Charlie Weis.
7. Whew Mexico No-bos (2-9)The Mountain West’s Bottom 10 incursion brings to mind the words of Lando Calrissian at the Battle of Endor when he asked, “I question what those Star Destroyers are awaiting?” Just rather of giant, weapons-laden spaceships, it’s a fleet of recycled Trailways buses. The No-bos have crashed this party through 8 straight losses, and a season-ending tenth defeat at the hands of Bottom 10 Waiting Listers Colora-duh State could be what Whew Mexico requires to stage its own version of the Holdo Maneuver.
8. No-vada(2-9) Meanwhile, the Oof Pack has also dropped nine directly, having actually currently gotten their Colorado State loss out of the method back in Week 5. Now, unexpectedly, we have a Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year of the Century coming that was on no one’s radar simply a couple of scant weeks earlier, now may be the game with the biggest impact on the last Bottom 10 standings. Versus who? Or whom? Or whomever? Or whatever my English instructor would inform me to write here however I am too excited to remember correct grammar?
9. unLv( 4-7)These people! Our old pals from Earth’s largest Roomba remain in these rankings for the first time this season. Is it uncommon for a four-win team to be here this late in the season? Yep. But that’s what occurs when you slide into completion of that season like me when I resided in Connecticut, thinking I might drive my Pontiac Grand Am on ice. The Other Rebels’ losing streak just reached 6 thanks to a 31-25 loss at season-long Bottom 10 stalwart Huh-why-yuh.
10. Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas (4-7)
Okay, to begin with, you don’t get out of the Bottom 10 after hardly beating the top/bottom team at home, even if you were just in the Coveted Fifth Spot, and especially when you began the fall in the preseason Leading 10. Second of all, you completely are docked lack-of-style points when you fire a cannon at a number of dudes praying in the pregame and likewise that shirtless towel relay thing. And finally, did I do this just to get a rise out of individuals in College Station because it’s Thanksgiving and angry SEC fans in my inbox are just as tasty as dressing with gravy and those baked marshmallows scraped off the top of the sweet potato pie and eaten all by themselves like sweet? You can’t see me right now, however I am reacting with a “Gig ’em” thumbs up. And yes, that’s a baked marshmallow on completion of my thumb.Waiting List: Arkansaw State, Colora-duh State, Huh-why-yuh, Lose-ee-anna Tech, Charlotte 3-and-9ers, Old Duh-minions, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Stampford, In A Rut-gers, No-braska, Temple of Doom, your drunk uncle taking the turkey leg and consuming it in front of your face while talking politics.