We’re No. 133! Zeroing in on UMass and the rest
- Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior Citizen WriterAug 24, 2023, 07:00 AM ET Close Senior author for ESPN The Publication and ESPN.com 2-time Sports Emmy winner
- 2010, 2014 NMPA Writer of the Year
Inspiring idea of the week:
I wonder when I wander house If I’ll be fit to drink alone.Sleep with my
memories, photos, apologies.For every minute the other day, remorse reminds me anyway.If I keep in mind anything, I’ll make errors again.Last night on the Mass Pike, believed I was losing you.
–“Mass Pike, “The Get Up Kids Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located at the back
of the very long line of coaches impatiently waiting to share inside information with Pete Thamel, we do not work year-round– it simply feels that method. We do, in truth, take offseason journeys with our families.For circumstances, just last month I took the McGees to Boston, where we did all the touristy things, including a historical boat tour of Boston Harbor. I was basing on the leading deck of the ship when I was approached by a huge human in a Minuteman outfit. I’m presuming he was on a break from his period-accurate tour-guiding, since as he sidled up to me port side, he was burning a Marlboro Red.”Hey, aren’t you the effing Bottom 10 man? “” Yes, I am.” Connelly’s CFB previews Bill Connelly breaks down every division in college football as just he can, with forecasts and burning questions for each group along with his favorite players. Connelly’s CFB sneak peeks “Here with ya family, are you?””Yes, I am.””You see that ship over there?””Yes, I do.””That’s where the Boston Tea Party took place. Those people tossed 340 chests of British East India Business tea overboard into that water. 92,000 pounds. That’s 46 lots of tea. That’s a helluva lot of
tea.”
“Yes, it is.”” If someone does something silly to make a bunch of other someones mad, those upset individuals, they will do anything to get their message sent out. “”Yes, they will. “”Like, say, overtaxing tea. Or, I dunno, putting my effing university back at the top of the effing preseason Bottom 10 after they likewise had my effing university at the top of the effing Bottom 10 basically all last effing season, too. Throwing you into the harbor would be a lot simpler for one Minuteman as big as me.””Yes, it would.””Simply something to think about before we play New Mexico State on Saturday. Have a nice effing day. “With apologies to Sam Adams, John Hancock, Rene Ingoglia and Steve Harvey, here’s the 2023
Preseason Bottom 10. 1. UMess Sorry, Minuteman Tour Guide Person, however hey, I’m an outstanding swimmer.
And yes, UMass opens the season with the Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year: Episode I with a journey to natural regional rival New Mexico State.![]()
2. #Kentergy The Golden Flashes have a brand-new coach in Kenni Burns, who has been preaching the mantra
of “Kent Grit
.”I have actually eaten a lot of grits in my Carolina-raised life, but never in Ohio. Also, after Kent State is done with its very first 2 games– journeys to UCF and Arkansas, where the Flashes are estimated by ESPN’s mystical and magical FPI to have a 6% possibility of winning each– we need to call Ken Burns, the documentarian, and have him do a movie about Kenni Burns. I can already hear Peter Coyote’s voice set to piano music:”They called it ‘Kent Grit’ …”< img alt=""src="https://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=/i/teamlogos/ncaa/500/2433.png&h=60&w=60"
width= “30”/ >
3. ULM( pronounced “uhlm”)The bright side? Terry Bowden is back for his third season, looking to overcome the hump after back-to-back 4-8 projects. The problem? He’s basically the only person who stayed. The Warhawks lost more players to the transfer website than I have lost socks to the laundromat clothes dryer.
4. North by Northworstern When the Wildcats completed last season 1-11 and ended up No. 4 in the last 2022 Bottom 10, nobody thought the scenario in Evanston might get any worse. Then the vaunted Northwestern trainee paper said, “Hold my Helles Lager from Double Clutch Brewing Company.”
5. Rand-McNally
Typically, the Coveted Fifth spot goes to a company that has enjoyed fantastic success and esteem earned over years of excellence, however has unexpectedly and inexplicably suffered an unanticipated series of losses. After this newest round of conference adjustment, nobody looks more useless and out of touch than mapmakers.
6. Sam Houston, we have an issue
After years of success at the lower levels of college football, the Bearkats have moved up to FBS football as members of the new-look Conference USA. A large chunk of this lineup was likewise on the field when SH won the FCS spring season natty in 2021. However if they attempt to bring that up this September while playing BYU, Air Force or Houston, their brand-new FCS enemies will pleasantly inform SH to “Shhhhh.”
7. Jacksonville State Other Gamecocks The Jacksonville that isn’t in Florida also moves up to FCS via C-USA this season. The Gamecocks go to Sam Houston on Sept. 28 in a prime-time Pillow Fight candidate game. They likewise have a defensive end called J-Rock, quarterback Zion Webb is playing his seventh year of college football and their coach is Abundant Rodriguez. If Ken Burns makes that motion picture about Kent State, then Jax State is worthy of Quentin Tarantino.
8. Charlotte 3-and-9′ ers Speaking of head coaches, Charlotte’s new employer is Biff Poggi, who smokes stogies, wears cutoff Tee shirts like he’s strolling his canine on Myrtle Beach, has a “Hard Knocks”-design reality show pertaining to ESPN+ and is self-made rich by means of success as a hedge fund financier, even contributing $500,000 of his wage back into the program. He’s not Coach Prime Time. He’s Coach Big Time.
9. Whew Mexico No-Bos While our world focuses on the Week 0 showdown between UMass and Whew Mexico State, don’t sleep on Weeks 3 and 4 when the No-Bos host State, then travel to Amherst 7 days later on. One month after that, they go back-to-back with 2022 Bottom 10 members No-vada and Huh-why-yuh. That’s some serious strength of schedule. As in SOS– the one ships send up when they have actually run out of fuel in the middle of the ocean. You know, like in New Mexico.
10. FI( not A)U Mike McIntyre’s very first head coaching task was at San Jose State. Then he moved 1,300 miles east to be head coach at Colorado. Then he moved 2,100 miles east to Florida International. By our calculations, his next job needs to be at Université Cheikh Anta Diop in Dakar, 4,000 miles east of Miami.Waiting list: Western Not Eastern Michigan, Akronmonious, Boiling Green, No-vada, Huh-why-yuh, Texas State Armadillos, Baller State, US(not C)F, Arkansas State Fightin’ Butches