Bottom 10: Inadequate combat in Notre Dame

• Ryan McGee, ESPN

  • Senior Citizen WriterSep 11, 2024, 07:00 AM ET Close Senior author for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com
  • 2-time Sports Emmy winner
  • 2010, 2014 NMPA Writer of the Year

Inspirational idea of the week:

Woke up today my home was cold
Had a look at the heater she wasn’t burnin’
Headed out and hopped in my old Ford
Hit the engine however she ain’t turnin’
We’ve given each other some hard lessons recently
But we ain’t learnin’
We’re the very same unfortunate story, that’s a fact
One step up and 2 actions back

— “One Step Up” Bruce Springsteen

Here at Bottom 10 Head office, located in Room 02 on the 2nd floor of a structure located at address 0 2nd Street, we discover ourselves after Week 2 obsessed with the number two. Like, we are sitting alone at a two-person desk, using a Deion Sanders No. 2 Florida State jersey, shakily holding a No. 2 pencil and doodling on a double roll of two-ply toilet tissue our 200-word, two-act play about two-time All-SEC running back Deuce McAllister.Why such two-facedness? Due to the fact that after 2 weeks of across-the-nation play, the long-term candidates for Bottom 10 residency are starting two, er, I mean, to relieve into a 2nd lane of their own. And how do we recognize these groups who are singing to a various twoon, er, tune? They are the ones who already have two losses. And of the 134 teams that play FBS football, their number is currently down to 18, and all but among those are 0-2. (No-vada, at 1-2, is out there rolling a lopsided snake eyes after its Week 0 kickoff.)

Now that peloton of two-loss squads heads downhill into Week 3. How many will continue to match losses with the week number like an octogenarian intending to shoot their age on the golf course? Stay twoned, er, tuned. We already have our No. 3 Joe Montana college jersey at the ready, definitely more all set than his university was for Week 2.

With apologies to Al Toon, Dave Duerson, Washington Huskies twins Jayvon and Armon Parker, Monmouth defensive back Deuce Lee and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 2 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Zips continued their march through the Big 10, following a season-opening 56-6 loss at Ohio State with a 49-17 defeat at Rutgers. This week they host Colgate, which is excellent timing because they need somebody to assist fix all the teeth that were knocked out of their mouths throughout those first 2 weeks.

The Owls made their FBS home launching, hosting the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana and losing 34-10. Now they sing, “Do You Know the Method to San José?” as they go West to face the Spartans, a team they have actually never played before, who in turn are singing, “The First Time Ever I Kenne-saw Your Face.”

After an 0-2 start, the L-obos stopped working to cover the spread versus the Fightin’ Byes of Open Date U. Now they take a trip to The Plains to face Coveted Fifth Spot competitor Auburn, which implies an uneasy call over to archenemy Whew Mexico State, which has actually beaten Hugh Freeze the previous two years, once when he was coach at Liberty and as soon as when he was at Auburn. Beep. “Um, hi guys, I understand we had that whole thing last winter when we banned you from utilizing our facilities for bowl practice due to the fact that your QB peed on our logo design and we understand we play in 2 weeks in our most vicious rivalry contest but, well, um, LOL, bygones and all that, could you send us your Auburn movie? Ideally without it being peed on?”

The last 2 examples of a 21+ point underdog winning a game by 21+ points:

New Mexico St over Hugh Freeze in 2022 (at Liberty)
New Mexico State over Hugh Freeze in 2023 (at Auburn)

–(@ADavidHaleJoint) November 19, 2023 Our 2nd highest flying parliament of

Strigiformes continues its pursuit of Kennesaw for Bottom 10 Owl air supremacy, following up their 48-point Week 1 loss to longtime pass-slingers Oklahoma with a 27-point defeat at Navy, which hasn’t tossed a pass considering that Roger Staubach graduated. The Northern Ill-ugh-noise Huskies went to South Bend and: A. Ran the ball 45 times. 2. Committed no turnovers. Third. Won nearly every other statistical classification. IV. Cashed a check for$1.4 million. And E. Not just dropped Notre Dame into the Coveted Fifth Area, they also produced a mental sequel to Texas A&M’s Week 1 problem,”Notre Dame Loss 2: Electric NIU Boogaloo. ” The Minors were tunneled under in the house by Southern Utah of FCS in OT. It was the very best proving for a group of Thunderbirds in El Paso given that the Flying force’s legendary fighter jet demo group did a flyover of the Sun Bowl and right away recognized they were at the wrong bowl game.

The Minuetmen continued their march to MAC subscription in 2025, opening the season with a home loss to Eastern Not Western Michigan and a Week 2 defeat at Toledo. Now they travel to see the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, ahead of midseason journeys to My Hammy of Ohio and Notre Dame’s daddies in Dekalb. Wait, are we 100% sure they aren’t already in the MAC and we simply didn’t recognize it?

Mentioning #MACtion, the Bronc-nos remain in fact presently a MAC member, though thus far 2024 seems like an audition for the Big 10 after opening with journeys to Wisconsin and Ohio State. Nevertheless, after losing by a combined rating of 84-14, this audition resembles the time I tried for “American Gladiators.”

The Cowboys are an FBS program that for whatever reason individuals back East constantly appear to believe is an FCS program. Meanwhile, the Idaho Vandals were an FCS powerhouse who moved up to FBS, and during that time played Wyoming regularly but could never beat them. Then, in 2018, Idaho became the first program to willingly return down to FCS, hence a great deal of people still think they are in FBS. So, when Idaho lastly beat Wyoming on Saturday, it was among three FCS-over-FBS upsets over the weekend, but one that individuals either understood was an FCS-FBS upset however thought it was the other method around or didn’t realize it was an FCS vs. FBS game at all.

On the other hand, everyone understood that Kent State’s loss to the St. Francis Red Flash was an FCS over FBS upset since their response to the 23-17 rating was, “What in the name of St. Francis is a Red Flash?!”

Waiting list: FSU Semi-no’s, Snore Eagle, Big (Black and) Blue Nation, Minute Rice, UCan’t, Not The Jacksonville You Believe It Is State, FA(not)I U, Charlotte 0-and-2ers, Sam Houston we have an issue, Actual Houston we have a problem, flopping.