Bottom 10: Back so soon, Sooners?

• Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior WriterNov 8, 2023, 06:50 AM ET Close Senior writer for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com
• 2-time Sports Emmy winner
• 2010, 2014 NMPA Writer of the Year

Inspirational idea of the week:

Oh, wait a minute, mister
I didn’t even kiss her
Do not want no problem with you
And I know you don’t owe me
But I want you ‘d let me
Ask one favor from you …

Oh, won’t you gim me three steps, gim me 3 steps, mister
Gim me three actions towards the door?Gimme 3
actions, gim me three steps, mister
And you’ll never see me no more

— “Gim me 3 Actions,” Lynyrd Skynyrd

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the track and field running facility where Molly McGrath prepares to run down head coaches for postgame interviews, we remain in shock at how little time we have left. Not on this earth. That’s too unfortunate. But rather how little time is left in the 2023 college football season. And, well, OK, now that we think about it, yes, that’s sad, too.There are three

weekends staying. Three. Like the Guideline of Threes. Like Babe Ruth. Like Dale Earnhardt. Like Dwayne Wade. Like Joe Montana at Notre Dame. And like the variety of wins it will likely take in order for a team to discover its method off this list before it becomes the last Bottom 10 standings for the season, permanently etched in stone. Or, more reasonably, permanently saved on a complimentary handout thumb drive that we received from a press junket for a since-defunct bowl game. The very same one we use to keep a handful of old recipes and a list of passwords that no longer work, all saved in a folder together with some low-res makings of the logo design for the San Jose Silicon Valley Classic.With apologies to Tre Harris, RG3, Steven Threet and Steve Harvey, here’s the Week 11 Bottom 10. 1. Sam Houston We Have Problem(1-8)

The Bearkats kaptured their introduktory

FCS viktory by konquering Kennesaw State 24-21 with a kick as the klock kounted down to the konklusion of the kontest. Per kontra, they unsukcessfully relokated from this ranking bekause Kennesaw’s only viktories on the 2023 kalendar kame against Tuskulum and Linkoln University. 2. State of Kent(1-8)After a miserable couple of weeks of weeknight #MACtion misery, Nick Saban’s university has a week off to reset to a weekend schedule and a most likely Pillow Fight of the Week against Baller State on, fittingly, Week 13. 3. EC-Yew(1-8)The Pie Rats almost managed an upset of No. 24 Tulane, leading 10-0 in the very first quarter before losing the map to the end zone and losing 13-10. The only group of pirates to score this little are the ones who have been trying to get that dog to hand them the keys to their Disneyland jail cell because 1967. 4.

UCan’t (1-8)

The Huskies lost the $1.8 Million Paycheck Bowl to Tennessee 59-3 and now take a trip to undefeated James Madison for the Wait You Mean We Don’t Get A Lot Of Cash For This One, Too? Bowl.Editor’s Picks

1 Associated

5. Boomer Swooner (7-2)

How frequently does a team lock up successive Coveted Fifth Spots? Taking a look at the Bottom 10 record book, we can’t find proof that it has taken place before. OK, if we’re being truthful, we could not really open the Bottom 10 record book due to the fact that someone spilled a bunch of Billy Sims Barbecue Sauce all over it and the pages are stuck. Also, we may or might not have actually put OU back in here because we just considered that Swooner name and it was too good not to use.

6. Akronmonious(2-7)The Zips celebrated recently’s Wagon Wheel triumph over State of Kent by taking pleasure in an open Saturday and after that right away traveling to Miami of Ohio for a Wednesday night matchup in which they are a 17.5-point underdog and, according to the magically and creepily accurate FPI formula, have a 6.3% chance of winning. It’s like that time I celebrated my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese, then as I strolled across the parking area later, was attacked by a flock of buzzards attempting to take my remaining pizza.

7. ULM(noticable”UHLM”) (2-7)Ulm, speaking of upset birds of victim, the, ulm, Warhawks jumped up/fell down these rankings after losing, ulm, 24-7 to another gaggle of upset birds, the then-fifth-ranked Southern Missed Golden Eagles. Now, ulm, Terry Bowden’s team faces Troy and Ole Miss in back-to-back weeks, teams with a combined record of, ulm, 15-3. That seems ulmpossible.

8. Southern Missed(2-7 )The good news is that Southern Miss lastly found its 2nd success of the season, snapping a seven-game losing streak that went back to the season opener versus Alcorn State. The bad news is that throughout the game Brett Favre went through everyone’s wallets and bought a bunch of beach ball webs.

9. Van-duh-bilt Commode Doors(2-8)Vandy opened the season with a win over season-long Bottom 10 Wait Listers Huh-Why-Yuh, then beat Alabama A&M, which is neither the Alabama nor the A&M you’re thinking about, before losing 8 straight games and landing here. Now it lands in Columbia, South Carolina, where the frustrating 3-6 Gamecocks simply beat the Jacksonville State Other Gamecocks. There is no other college football group in the country that utilizes Commodores, but sources tell Bottom 10 JortsCenter that the Gloria Vanderbilt denims individuals would be willing to have a West Side Story-style dance battle in the Garment District.

10. The Pitt and the Pendulum (2-7)

So Pitt has 2 wins, with one victory over then-14th-ranked Louisville. That makes the Panthers this spot over Virginia, which also has two wins, with one triumph over then-10th-ranked North Carolina. And they both edged out Cincinnati, which has 2 wins, however among those was over Pitt. And they all are a notch above/below Pur-don’t, which has two wins, with one over Virginia Tech, which has only 4 wins, however one of those came against Pitt. In related news, #goacc, y’ all.Waiting List

: Virginugh, the Bearcats with a “c”, Pur-do ‘n’ t, No-vada, Rod Tidwell’s Alma Mater, Muddled Tennessee, hiding improperly on the Central Michigan sideline.