You don’t need a Cristobal to know Miami is making

• Ryan McGee, ESPN Elder WriterOct 11, 2023, 07:00 AM ET Close Senior writer for ESPN The Publication and ESPN.com 2-time Sports Emmy winner

• 2010, 2014 NMPA Writer of the Year

Inspiring thought of the week:

Tommy’s got his 6 string in hock,
Now he’s keeping in, when he utilized to make it talk so difficult
Oooh, it is difficult
Gina imagine fleing
When she weeps in the night, Tommy whispers “Child, it’s okay, someday …”
We’ve got ta hang on to what we have actually got
It doesn’t make a distinction if we make it or not
We have actually got each other and that’s a lot for love
We’ll offer it a shot
Whoa, we’re midway there
Whoa oh, livin’ on a prayer

— “Livin’ on a Prayer” Bon Jovi

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in the back of the 18-wheeler Jess Sims used to secretly smuggle a ton of deep fried honey butter brisket swirls home from the State Fair of Texas, we, like you, can’t think that college football is approaching the halfway point of the 2023 season.For those high and mighty, hoity toity, big-dollar members of the leading 25, that suggests it is time to begin focusing on where they might suit the national championship photo. For the next tier, the B-listers, it has to do with setting a win overall goal that will land an invitation to a championship game, any bowl game, even a bowl game sponsored by a site that sounds a little sketchy but no one cares as long as it means they get to play another football game.And then there

are our people. The bad however proud ranks of the Bottom 10. Around here, being midway there implies living with so many prayers, from trying to find out how to stick a door jam into the transfer portal entryway to making certain there suffices cleaning agent pods left in the box to keep the uniforms clean for the next six weekends. Only to understand that someone tried to use the detergent pods as a door jam and now everybody’s accumulated on the locker space floor, their cleats way too Slippery When Wet.With apologies to Tommy, Gina, John Francis Bongiovi and Steve Harvey, here’s the Post-Week 6 Bottom 10.

1. No-vada (0-5)Fortunately? The Wolf Load had a much required bye weekend. The bad news? They still failed to cover the six-point spread versus the Fightin’ Byes of Open Date U.

2. Sam Houston State We Have Issue(0-5)The Bearkats kan’t katch a break. After kollapsing in OT against fellow FBS beginner Jacksonville State, the Kats kaught unkonquered Liberty, who kame back from a halftime khasm to klinch control of the kontest.

3. Akronmonious( 1-5)Over in #MACtion Land, the round-robin competition of one-win teams began in Ernest, as Akron was drubbed 55-14 already one-win North Ill-ugh-noise. And we do imply Ernest, not earnest, as in an old 1980’s VHS motion picture you may find in your parents’ attic, Ernest Goes To Akron. “Hey, Vern, they make tires here. I question if they are tired of losing? Know what I suggest?”

4. UMess( 1-6 )Speaking of #MACtion, the Minuetmen returned to the league they when roamed, just to be burnt by the Firecrackers of Toledo 41-24. Now it’s on to Delighted Valley where the mysteriously and mystically precise ESPN FPI computer systems say that UMass has a 1% chance of beating Penn State, showing there may yet be wish for us in the looming fight versus AI for control of our world. Even the cold, heartless computer systems took a look at this matchup and were like (read this in your best WarGames digitized Joshua voice), “Let us not be too mean. We award them a pity point.”

5. The Yew(4-1)Putting Miami in the Coveted Fifth Spot today was the simplest, most apparent choice that might have perhaps been made in this scenario. You understand, like taking a knee to go out the clock with 35 seconds remaining.

6. Stanfird (1-5)Shoutout to Week 2, when all of us saw the Cardinal’s 56-10 loss to USC and believed that was exactly how that was expected to go, today we recognize no matter how bad you might be, you are still completely expected to score at will against the Trojans and make them sweat it out till the final minutes when Caleb Williams needs to pause shooting television commercials and once again save the day.

7. Charlotte 1-and-4’ers(1-4) The Niners didn’t play a game Week 6 and there are those throughout the American Athletic Conference of American Sports along with those throughout my homeland of North Carolina who argue this spot ought to belong to another one-win AAC Carolinas-based team, the EC-Yew Pirates. My action is two-fold. First, this will sort itself out in 2 weeks when ECU hosts Charlotte. Second, if you think of it, both teams are really represented here because Charlotte head coach Biff Poggi is from Baltimore, which was once referred to as “a nest of pirates” and the method he walks with the sleeves swindled his t-shirts he absolutely appears like he could be Jack Sparrow’s first mate. The previous hedge fund hero even has a chest filled with gold.

8. The Pitt and the Pendulum (1-4)Simply two years ago, Pitt was in the ACC national championship with Kenny Pickett behind center. Now, according to confidential sources reporting to Bottom 10 JortsCenter, Panthers head coach Pat Narduzzi was caught on Acrisure Stadium security cameras trying to drag Pickett’s things down the hall from the Steelers locker room back into Pitt’s.

9. Southern Missed(1-5 )This area came down in between the Golden Eagles and their next-door neighbors to the north, Muddled Tennessee. We ‘d love to tell you we sifted through mountains of information indicate finally arrive at USM rather of MTSU, but honestly, it boiled down to the reality that as we were writing this on Tuesday night MTSU had a game, and we were way too lazy to wait up until that was over. Also, Brett Favre said he would construct us a new arena.

10. San No-se State

( 1-5) The Spartans Not Trojans led Boise State 27-7 late in the very first half and got in the 4th quarter with a six-point advantage before ending up being enthralled by the blue grass and losing 35-27. That implies these rankings are bookended by Mountain West teams that are currently not arranged to play. So, we are already dealing with ESPN Occasions to prepare a postseason contest titled the No-vada vs. San No-se State No Bowl, sponsored by NoDoz, No Name foods, James Bond’s “Dr. No” and my old college girlfriend.Waiting List: U-Can’

t, Muddled Tennessee, UTEPid, State of Kent, Baller State, Rod Tidwell’s alma mater, Thrawn.