Bottom 10: Dark days in the Sunshine State

• Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior WriterSep 4, 2024, 07:00 AM ET Close Senior writer for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com 2-time Sports Emmy winner
• 2010, 2014 NMPA Author of the Year

Inspiring thought of the week:

Now we may start all over once again
To build that dream we sought
Oh, what a bad start
Now we may start from where we ended
To find that truth we lost
No matter the cost

Now we might start, it’s much like the fall
We’re on a sad and lonely road
A long way to home

— “Now We May Start” Randy Crawford

Here at Bottom 10 Head office, presently found in a far-flung corner of the “College GameDay” television substance where we share a small Star Waggons trailer with the marriage counselor employed to deal with Nick Saban and Pat McAfee, we went into the Week 1 slate of games with hope and vigor and roseation and puissance, which were the fanciest matches we might discover in the thesaurus for hope and vigor.With all due

respect to eliminate tunes, stadium entrances and fathers embarrassing their children by weeping themselves to sleep on the front yard after the result of a game played by 19-year-olds, the most time-honored college football tradition is the Week 1 overreaction. When one loss appears to be completion of the recognized world for the rest of autumn, before even one leaf has actually changed colors.At least, that’s how it feels in the hoity-toity land of the Top 25. Here in the Bottom 10 Cinematic Universe, there is no overreaction to a season-opening loss. There is simply plain old response. Like, “Oh, hi, appearance, we lost once again. “Or, “Hey, look, it should be fall because the leaves are shriveling up and falling once again.” Or, “Hey, look, those people in Tallahassee and Gainesville look precisely like those leaves.”

With apologies to Ryan Leaf, Nico Iama-leaf-a and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 1 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Zips took a trip 126 miles to Ohio State for the honor of losing 52-6, though their income for the day was $1.8 million. I’m no businessperson, however getting a daily mileage rate of $14,285.71 per mile appears like a nice little deal, even after subtracting the cost of all those gauze pads and Tylenol for the ride home.

The Owls made their FBS launching on the roadway, dealing with former Bottom 10 stalwart-turned-bowl regular R.O.C.K. in the UTSA and losing 28-16. I’m uncertain why they made their big league debut with an away game, but I have a hunch that it was so Kennesaw State alum Ty Pennington might work covertly while the group was on the road in anticipation of next week’s home launching, when he’ll reveal the newly refurbished stadium by shouting, “Move that bus! No, seriously, guys. Move the bus. You’re obstructing the gate. ” Brett Favre Beneficiary University was likewise the recipient of Al Roker. The Golden Eagles went to Kentucky’s Kroger Field and were in the procedure of having a motorized shopping cart run over them consistently up until Nature might take no more and ended the game at 31-0 because of bad weather less than halfway through the third quarter. Sources told Bottom 10 JortsCenter that Ms. Nature was heard saying,”If I wanted to see this much violence, I ‘d simply see’ Deadpool & Wolverine’for the 5th time.” The L-obos suffered a 61-39 loss at Top 25 resident Arizona and routed just 27-24 at the half. That’s definitely absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. However they opened the season with a 35-31 Week 0 loss at home to FCS Montana State and therefore became the country’s first two-loss group. There’s certainly something in all of that.

5. State of Florida … State

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Following a four-game Week 0, the Coveted Fifth Area choice would obviously have been Florida State after its stunning loss to Georgia Tech in Ireland. But we didn’t do a Week 0 Bottom 10 because there were only four games. It felt like a missed chance. Then Florida Not Florida State said, “Hold my orange juice,” and opened with a much more shockingly dreadful Week 1 drubbing in your home to Miami Not Miami of Ohio. So that became the apparent option. Then Florida State Not State Of Florida stated, “No, hold MY orange juice,” and on Labor Day night labored its way to another shockingly bad loss, this time to Boston College. When we advised both teams that the stating isn’t “Hold my orange juice” but “Hold my beer,” they both replied, “Do not worry, we’re from Florida. Our orange juice has beer in it.”

The second parliament of Owls– yes, that’s what a group of owls is called, since obviously “flock” ain’t fancy enough– to take roost in these rankings are the ones from Philly, who flew to Oklahoma and lost 51-3. The bright side is that the Sooners are expected to be pretty good at football.

Meanwhile, the Minors suffered a likewise bad 40-7 loss on the roadway at Nebraska, which is expected to be kinda sorta possibly proficient at football.

And the Huskies had a nearly identical 50-7 defeat at the claws of the Maryland Terrapins, who are just intending to earn an invite to the Pinstripe Bowl.

Once our fine-feathered pals in Houston saw Kennesaw and Temple both in these rankings, they quickly dove in to advise us all who the O.G. Bottom 10 Owls really are, losing 34-14 at home to then-fellow Waiting List homeowner Sam Houston We Have A Problem. So Sam Houston State, called for Sam Houston, won in the city of Houston, which was also called for Sam Houston, and to get from Sam Houston State to Rice, one need to drive through the Sam Houston National Forest, which is home to multiple types of owls. This seems like a Christopher Nolan motion picture.

The Minuetmen do not relocate to the MAC up until 2025, but they got a preview of #MACtion life, losing in your home 28-14 to Eastern Michigan University. We didn’t see that game. We were currently too drunk after viewing the midday blowouts, but our handy-dandy reputable UMass Eyewitness Press reporter reported by means of e-mail: “A really B10 worthy proving by UMass– made the EMUs look like Eagles.”

Waiting list: ULM (pronounced “UHLM”), Colora-duh State, Why?-oming, Charlotte 0-and-1ers, EC-Yew, Buffalo Bulls Not Expenses, Sam Houston We Have a Problem, State of Kent, Fa-La-La-La-La Tech, New Mexico State Other Aggies, Baller State, Clempson